A Response to a Selfish Writer – RE: Orphans

All it takes is a great reader, a great speaker – a great writer – to challenge the absolute core of your beliefs. Of that which you are, and that which you stand for. And while this is the beauty of human interaction, that it makes us cement our values further or change them entirely, either way allowing us to grow stronger or in a different direction – equally it is an extremely dangerous tool when someone has manipulative intent for their own agenda.

I don’t often use the word “I” on this blog, or speak in the first person – as I try to talk to everyone and engage, rather than focus inwards. However, this is an exception.

To provide evidence to my point; I read an article from a rather selfish man (which is leading, I know), who had disabled comments on his blog, perhaps because he knew there would be a backlash from the ways in which he speaks. I am aware there are a number of reasons one might disable comments, but I digress. I will not call out the exact name of the post, or the authors name. This is not a doxxing attempt or a witch hunt. But in his post, he wrote very clearly and categorically that we should not feel sorry for orphans, because even non-orphans can be alone.

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Now forgive my stunned silence, but these two points, are irrelevant. This would be as though I were to say, when a rich person dies, don’t feel sorry for them, because their family have money. Or that you can’t have a bad day, because there are war-torn countries whose people live in fear everyday. It doesn’t make sense. Pain and grief, good and bad, exist in all facets of life, in all manners, relative to that person whom is experiencing it or can determine a perspective upon it. Because someone else feels worse than you, does not mean you cannot feel bad also.

I cannot emphasise more strongly, how much you should ignore this kind of thinking, this kind of talking. This is someone, who had felt alone, as we all have and is deciding to inflict his own need for attention, his own requirement to be victimised, upon the reader. In doing this, he’s calling out a vulnerable group. Which is deplorable. This would be as though I were to say, “Don’t be appalled by police brutality towards an ethnic race in your country, I’m not that race and was pulled over for a speeding ticket the other day. I get it bad too.” It doesn’t make sense, and it’s just targeting a group to make a point, that you aren’t even making well.

Now to his credit, he then went on to say how he visited an orphanage and they were all living in the moment and enjoying life, free from a virtual world. Which is great… but this is not their fault. Because he feels sad, alone, perhaps distanced in an online world, does not somehow validate his point. We can still empathise with an orphan, who has lost their regular home, their security, and the loving embrace of parents. Equally, of course parents can be bad influences, but it is scientifically proven that significant trauma is likely to be caused in a child, whenever a significant life event happens upon their parents. E.g They leave the family, they pass away, they get divorced, etc.

Fortunately, the author wasn’t a great writer. He had numerous (obvious) spelling errors, and clearly did not manage to sway my views. But if he had been, someone may have walked away believing this. In fact, it had likes on it, so some people did.  Some people were convinced, that you should not empathise with an orphan, because you can feel alone, or lost in your own family. Of course you should empathise. Just because a non-orphan can feel sad or alone too, does not diminish in any way, the plight of the orphan.

To that point; what is upsetting, is that this author had numerous likes already on his post, after only posting it recently. Perhaps his blog had some followers already, or perhaps people who were vulnerable themselves, were easily swayed upon the read. And relatively, this post disputing his point, based on basic human kindness, may not receive any attention at all.

 

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IT’S YOUR OWN FAULT

That feeling you get when you’ve let yourself down. It’s something else, isn’t it? The core fact that it’s solely you who is responsible for what you’ve done, and though you hope to turn to someone and deflect that feeling onto them, most likely those you love the most, you know that as a reasonable human being, you cannot. There is nowhere to turn,  but inwards. It’s your fault, and you’re disappointed.

It isn’t easy – because the more you feel the person responsible needs to be “punished”, to feel remorseful and to atone, the more you inflict that damage upon yourself. And that explosion of emotion inwards, is crushing. It should be noted you should never do this to any human being or anything living for that matter of fact, under any circumstances. So why do you do it to yourself? Your asking them to feel bad, and that person is you, and you feel worse, but you ask for more punishment – That’s sadism. Or masochism.

We’ve all been disappointed by our actions, and known someone who is disappointed in their actions, and when you have let someone down, all you want is retraction, for it to go away. You want forgiveness.

Give. Forgiveness.

If you do not, you are only inflicting more hurt upon a person. Unnecessary hurt – because they are already disappointed in themselves. They already understand the effect of their actions and are apologetic for them, so what are you trying to achieve? It’s one of the most unfair acts that you can take upon another living being, and we’ve all felt it when someone does not offer us forgiveness, and it’s horrible. You’re asking for people you care for, or people you respect, to accept you once more as not being perfect, and if they do not accept that, you feel small. Smaller than small. You feel insignificant. Deflated. Incapacitated.

If you were to pick yourself up, what would it matter since you’re so small.

That is not a feeling anyone should feel. To inflict this upon someone – that is a lack of kindness. Kindness is the greatest thing you can ever give, and you can give it in limitless quantities. Perhaps the only thing you can truly give in unlimited quantities. If you refuse to share, it is a selfishness like nothing else, for by sharing it you do not lose it.

Be kind. To others and to yourself. What you need to understand is that everyone too is not perfect, and so if anything, when you make a mistake you are most like those around you. You should be most accepted for the fact that you are flawed, for it is a trait of life. You may feel separated, but you are united with the rest of the human race. While others may feel shame for their mistakes, they may be unaccepting of it, or at least unaccepting to admit it, and so project that upon you as they see themselves as in higher standing, or wish to appear so. When really they are not. They are looking thought carnival mirrors. Do not concern yourself with these people. Do not be one of these people. They are toxic.

But what is most important to remember, is that the only person who can truly offer you forgiveness for your own actions – is you. While what you may have done is let yourself down, it’s important to know that the only action that is truly letting you down, is your punishment upon yourself and the sheer lack of forgiveness you have given upon yourself. You are human, you are particularly prone to mistake, because of your own awareness of it. If you are aiming for perfection, for a concept or of yourself – let that go. You’re comparing to a perfect idea, yet no thing perfect exists in nature. The very laws of physics and biology falter at times, they act erratically. So too will you. But since you are capable of imagining the perfect thought, you can aim to achieve it, but you never will. You are comparing your achievements to a reality that does not exist, and as always, comparison is the enemy of joy, and so you will cease to be joyful, despite your best efforts.

Disappointment in oneself comes with life, as do mistakes. But they are not something to be feared, to be consistent, or to be reverent. They are to be accepted, to be processed, and to be left behind, where they offered us improvement.

While it is fine to be disappointed with oneself, understand that the very fact that you are reflects kindly upon you, for you wish to be better. There are those who do bad, and are thankful for their iniquity to the world. You are actively sorrowful for your act, which by itself places you among the rest of the good in the world.

We all make error. We are all incapable of perfection.

And once you have realised that about yourself – Give. Forgiveness.