Don’t Do It Alone

You don’t have to do it alone.

No matter what it is; or how you feel; if you are right or wrong; or if you feel you are too far along. Whether the outcome will be a success or a failure; whether you will be forgiven or not; whether things can go back to the way they were or not; whatever you are going through – you do not have to do it alone.

Loneliness is such a hauntingly beautiful concept; because it’s so ironically universal. It’s something that unites us all together. We have all felt alone.

Sometimes in a dark room, with a beer or a glass of wine on something resembling a table in front of you, you will feel alone. As you monitor friends and family, who seem to be having fun. Perhaps you’re sitting and wondering who that person you think about, is thinking about. And maybe you’re wondering why they aren’t here beside you.

Sometimes, shoulder to shoulder, or on a busy street, you will feel so alone. As no one looks your way, or perhaps that they do and choose to stay at a distance. Perhaps it’s even one of those times, when people are talking to you; but the words they say and the ways they relate to their life and yours around them, you would be better off talking to a lion who has been taught your native tongue – for your two frames of reference are so far apart you no longer understand each other.

Sometimes it’s our own pride that brings about our true sadness. The thought that we should be able to shoulder the weight of the world, for this is what makes us strong and tough. This is a fallacy. A whisper that loneliness will repeat in your ear for hours on end. If you have convinced yourself this is true, then know this instead. It is not brave, to accept burden alone. It is not more dignified, or more humble, to pretend the world does not beat you down, and get the better of you on some days. Or perhaps for weeks or months on end.

This is the cruelty of life. It does this to everyone. If you believe you are the only person who asks for help, and are convinced that others you know to be calm and collected never ask for help; you are mistaken. What they really do, is share the load. They distribute the bombardment amongst those they trust, whom they hold dear. And in return, when they can, they offer kindness, love, and reciprocation. They offer an ear, and a shoulder, when it is their burden to do so.

This, I would wager, is not opinion, but fact. Four people carrying 100 kilograms of weight on their shoulders seems reasonable. But one person carrying the same weight, will injure or tire themselves after not too long at all. Remember this; it’s science.

Sometimes the hardest part, is that it seems as though there is no one to even accept your requests for help. It’s a friend, who knows you’re alone, and is unwilling to alter their behaviour to accommodate you. Which arguably is the only thing worse than being alone or being sad. Being alone, and someone else knowing you’re alone. Someone else being perfectly aware of it, and yet choosing not to act upon it. It feels as though no one would care.

But someone does care. People who contact you without a reason to do so. They care about your day, for the sake of hoping it was a happy one, and nothing else. Do not forget them, or their kindness, even if they are not the person you wish was bringing it to you. They can bring some light into your life, as long as you let them. Loneliness is only a darkness. People are not further away; you just cannot see very far in front of you. Or how far your sphere of connection stretches.

Put it does not matter if it is a trick – because it feels so real, to you. It feels empty. When you are scared of what you may find beyond your vision. And your fingers shake, and your arms wave all around you hoping to find someone there, to hold their hand and pull it closer. To feel their warmth against yours, even if they too are afraid.

Whatever makes you afraid; whatever in the future scares you – don’t do it alone. Don’t push those away whom you do find in reach. If they call to you, call back.

And if no one answers – call for me. I will follow you into the dark.

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Stochastic

adjective: stochastic

1. having a random probability distribution or pattern that may be analysed statistically but may not be predicted precisely.

What this effectively means, is that while we can retroactively analyse that 70% of people who suffered from X succumbed to Y; we cannot say guarantee that 70% of people who suffer from X will succumb to Y.

This is why, mathematically, you should not let something with a small chance of success stop you just because of its likelihood to succeed.

“If something is important enough you should always do it. Even if the expected outcome; is failure.”

It scientifically, succinctly, with supporting evidence, suggests how important it is not to give up on something. How odds are important, only to the mass – not to the individual.

Equally, it humbles the self.

By the same logic, that which is overwhelming likely to work in your favour; may not. Not because you’re bad, or because you made a foolish decision – but because even if something has a 99.9% probability of happening, it still by definition requires 0.1% of people for it not to happen to, or for. And when it is you who finds themselves in the latter percentile, you will be acutely aware that percentage of probability offered you no benefits. You were tarred, by the fact that statistics mean nothing to the individual.

No matter how good a decision you make, or how bad a decision you make, it can go the other way. No because it was the right or wrong thing to do, but because an immeasurable number of other factors had an effect on that decision, which you could not possibly measure or account for. Differences that on their own are negligible, but together if they hit that sweet spot, it can just work out for you, or not.

It’s all chance.

The chance that you’ll fall madly in love. The chance you’ll get your dream job. The chance you’ll be hit by a car tomorrow morning, or that the world will be obliterated by some passing celestial body. The trivial decisions, and the grand. Use chance to share a little kindness, and compassion in a world that appears to grow more grey by the day. Be that one light, turning for all to see, in weathering storm.

So when you see someone on the street, shivering in the cold of the winter, or with chattering teeth from the damp of their sleeping bag that covers them on the ground – be kind. They could have made every possible good decision on the planet, and still been that 0.1% whom it did not work out for. In return, be the 0.1% who stops. Who shows a little compassion, care, and much needed unconditional love.

If you think you are affected by the anxiety of this world, if you fear the next day or if you cry when no one is around, imagine how they must feel. Heartbroken to not have the one they love have their arms around them, and the warmth that comes with it. To be affected by mental illness that comes with the trauma of living on unforgiving streets. To feel unwanted.

You, no matter how clever, how forward thinking, how prepared, or how entitled you believe yourself to be – are not so far separated from the man on the streets. Do not think yourself more important.

You are never too important, to not be kind.

These words may not hit you – they may not break your heart as intended. But if you fall into the 0.1% whom it does hit, I hope you fight with yourself in the night tonight, and decide to do something better. Stochastically, some of you should. But I hope more of you do.

I’ll have to leave it up to chance.

 

IT’S YOUR OWN FAULT

That feeling you get when you’ve let yourself down. It’s something else, isn’t it? The core fact that it’s solely you who is responsible for what you’ve done, and though you hope to turn to someone and deflect that feeling onto them, most likely those you love the most, you know that as a reasonable human being, you cannot. There is nowhere to turn,  but inwards. It’s your fault, and you’re disappointed.

It isn’t easy – because the more you feel the person responsible needs to be “punished”, to feel remorseful and to atone, the more you inflict that damage upon yourself. And that explosion of emotion inwards, is crushing. It should be noted you should never do this to any human being or anything living for that matter of fact, under any circumstances. So why do you do it to yourself? Your asking them to feel bad, and that person is you, and you feel worse, but you ask for more punishment – That’s sadism. Or masochism.

We’ve all been disappointed by our actions, and known someone who is disappointed in their actions, and when you have let someone down, all you want is retraction, for it to go away. You want forgiveness.

Give. Forgiveness.

If you do not, you are only inflicting more hurt upon a person. Unnecessary hurt – because they are already disappointed in themselves. They already understand the effect of their actions and are apologetic for them, so what are you trying to achieve? It’s one of the most unfair acts that you can take upon another living being, and we’ve all felt it when someone does not offer us forgiveness, and it’s horrible. You’re asking for people you care for, or people you respect, to accept you once more as not being perfect, and if they do not accept that, you feel small. Smaller than small. You feel insignificant. Deflated. Incapacitated.

If you were to pick yourself up, what would it matter since you’re so small.

That is not a feeling anyone should feel. To inflict this upon someone – that is a lack of kindness. Kindness is the greatest thing you can ever give, and you can give it in limitless quantities. Perhaps the only thing you can truly give in unlimited quantities. If you refuse to share, it is a selfishness like nothing else, for by sharing it you do not lose it.

Be kind. To others and to yourself. What you need to understand is that everyone too is not perfect, and so if anything, when you make a mistake you are most like those around you. You should be most accepted for the fact that you are flawed, for it is a trait of life. You may feel separated, but you are united with the rest of the human race. While others may feel shame for their mistakes, they may be unaccepting of it, or at least unaccepting to admit it, and so project that upon you as they see themselves as in higher standing, or wish to appear so. When really they are not. They are looking thought carnival mirrors. Do not concern yourself with these people. Do not be one of these people. They are toxic.

But what is most important to remember, is that the only person who can truly offer you forgiveness for your own actions – is you. While what you may have done is let yourself down, it’s important to know that the only action that is truly letting you down, is your punishment upon yourself and the sheer lack of forgiveness you have given upon yourself. You are human, you are particularly prone to mistake, because of your own awareness of it. If you are aiming for perfection, for a concept or of yourself – let that go. You’re comparing to a perfect idea, yet no thing perfect exists in nature. The very laws of physics and biology falter at times, they act erratically. So too will you. But since you are capable of imagining the perfect thought, you can aim to achieve it, but you never will. You are comparing your achievements to a reality that does not exist, and as always, comparison is the enemy of joy, and so you will cease to be joyful, despite your best efforts.

Disappointment in oneself comes with life, as do mistakes. But they are not something to be feared, to be consistent, or to be reverent. They are to be accepted, to be processed, and to be left behind, where they offered us improvement.

While it is fine to be disappointed with oneself, understand that the very fact that you are reflects kindly upon you, for you wish to be better. There are those who do bad, and are thankful for their iniquity to the world. You are actively sorrowful for your act, which by itself places you among the rest of the good in the world.

We all make error. We are all incapable of perfection.

And once you have realised that about yourself – Give. Forgiveness.