You Are Action, Not Thought. And That’s The Way It Is.

Suppose you were to look out of an office window, down into the street below, and see a man standing by the edge of the road. It’s a nice Sunny day, and not much appears to be happening at first glance, but as you observe the scene, you see that some way up the road a car is hurtling down the tarmac at too fast a speed, and that should it continue at this speed, it will knock down and kill another man who is crossing the road. You see the original man, the onlooker, look at the car, and look at the man, and frozen on the spot, he does nothing. Slowly you realise you are about to watch one man watch the murder of another man and do nothing about it.

The car strikes the man, and kills him on impact. In this moment, you would most likely be overcome with a sense of shock, and no doubt anger at the lack of action. You may even be inclined to ask him about it if you were given the chance, would you not?

You might run down the stairs of your office building, and stroll up to him and demand an answer, “Why did you do that? You could have helped him, but instead you did nothing?”

Well if his reply were to be, “Well I thought about helping him.” – It wouldn’t mean very much to you, would it? In fact, it would be fair that most people might even be angered further by it. As though it was as useful as saying nothing at all. Because at the end of the day, thinking about doing something, does not equate to acting upon it.

And yet, all too often we use this excuse for ourselves. We suggest as though thinking, or trying, or trying to think about something, somehow equates to having actually done it. As though thinking about taking some art class, is as worthy a statements as having declared you have completed it.

We did not work towards our goals today – but we thought about it. And so somehow this counts as an attempt.
We thought about looking for a job today – so we looked for a job.
We thought about improving a skill – so we are improved.

There is a disconnect here, between reality and sympathy. He can forgive ourselves, but not others. We measure the actions of others, yet we measure the thoughts of ourselves. Similar to when someone who has cheated on someone, justifies it by saying something to the effect of, “I’m a good guy. I don’t do that stuff.” This is because we all like to think we are good. And so despite our actions to the contrary, we define ourselves as such. We can justify our thoughts, regardless of whether the actionable outcome is zero or actively polar opposite; but if another were to do this, we would chastise them, judge them even.

It’s important then here, to remember the Philip K. Dick quote:

“Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn’t go away.”

Philip K. Dick

Therefore it matters not what sensibilities to the world you harbour, or that which you wish the world was. Rather; what is. It does not matter to what standard you wish to hold yourself. Rather; what you are.

WHY, is this so important?

Because we are living in a post-truth era.

It’s a polite phrase which conceals its connotations wells, so if this doesn’t frighten you; it should. The Orwellian age we’ve found ourselves in, actively perpetuates suppression or subversion of truth, to be replaced by truths that are convenient to hear or that align with a more satisfying agenda.

We are living in a time, where we (being a large proportion of us) are more likely to dismiss direct truth for facts that can easily coalesce with other information or to accommodate a lifestyle that is more convenient for us.

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/technology/apple/7330986/Apple-admits-using-child-labour.html

Countless Apple products sell year on year, despite it being actively known they use factories that support and use child labour.

We are living in a time, where information is so readily available, that on a personal level it’s almost impossible to proof-read all that we hear; and so made up percentages and statistics can become as much truth as an actual fact.

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/brexit-deal-news-theresa-may-rory-stewart-public-support-bbc-radio-interview-a8635386.html

A UK Justice Minister caught lying about Brexit support percentages, just to illustrate his point on BBC Radio 5.

We are living in a time, where even when companies and individuals are caught out lying to us, or targeting us without our permission, we don’t hold them accountable in any way, and arguably what’s worse, we don’t re-assess our standings to align with fact.

https://www.theguardian.com/news/2018/mar/17/cambridge-analytica-facebook-influence-us-election

Cambridge Analytica caught actively targeting susceptible minds and specific groups with false truths to helps sway the votes on political issues.

You will notice I provided the links to the pages in bold and kept the citation smaller, this is because it’s more important that you make up your own opinions, rather than read my assessment of it.

Living in an age such as this; there are many things we cannot control. Many things we refuse to take control of, for real of retaliation or consequence. The one thing you CAN control, always; is you. Hold yourself to a standard, and be uncompromising of that standard. Integrity.

The social version of you, or some non-reality version of you that you’ve conceived or convinced yourself of in your mind; is a construct. It ISN’T real. No matter how much you would like it to be, or how well you’ve got at convincing people that is you. Thoughts and illusions are not synonymous with action.

If you are so sure of who you are; prove it. Think anything you wish, with reckless abandon should you choose to. There is no censorship on what you think. But it is what you do; that defines you.

If you want to be great, be great, and be great consistently. It is our actions, that define, who we are.

“You are, who you choose to be.”

– Ted Hughes, The Iron Man.

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The Person Behind The Mirror

Life is just a series of  tiny moments. Unique little, fleeting “nows”… that happen in the moment, before we realise it happened. At an attempt to understand the now, to determine what the now even is, takes us away from it, and to a new experience. A new now, spent on analysing a now that has already passed. For to spend time analysing the moment, you cannot be in it.

Comparative to when you are in a stare, and as soon as you realise you are staring, no matter how hard you try to remain in that moment of bliss, contentment, or nothingness… It’s already gone. And you can only try to pretend you are still in a stare. But you aren’t. You’re just looking in a direction. 

What this leads us to understanding, should we spend enough time thinking on it – is that you should not necessarily spend time piecing together why you are feeling how you are in any given moment. You should not quantify it, or assign it a given arbitrary value. For if you are happy, you may wonder why, and by wondering why you are no longer feeling that experience of pure happiness.  
You may compare your assigned value of happiness, to a time when you thought you were happier, and suddenly this most recent moment becomes less valuable. But only by comparison. The moment itself has changed in no way. 

You may find yourself dancing in the living room, and in a state of content; and then by suddenly wondering WHY you are enjoying yourself at such a small moment, you may lose it. Your arms may fall to your side, and you will lose you buzz. But only because you chose to think about it. Instead, if you were happy, be happy. Equally if you are overcome with sadness, be sad. Don’t be more sad, or angry because you are sad. Just be sad. Be in whatever moment, you chose to be in. In whatever state of you, you choose to be.

These, fleeting little now’s, that change and dip and rise over time, leave us to grasping a fictitious concept of ourselves. Not only must be ponder the moment in the now, but also the person in the now. And these too, are troubled little changing chaotic beings. We can stand firm, and think, and be quite sure that we are a certain kind of person, but of course, that perception is as much affected by what we have done, as what we will do. For instance, I remember a time when a group of bullies started to harass a boy while I was at school. I wasn’t close to this boy, he wasn’t in my friend group, and in fact I know the boys who were bullying him. But I still stood up for the boy being bullied, despite the fact I lost face in the eyes of the other boys. I raised my voice and defences, and fought off the bullies, until they walked away with their tails between their legs. So this must mean I am brave…

And yet… I remember an identical time, on a bus, when another boy was being bullied. He was the same, in yet I did not know him very well, but it was clear he was uncomfortable, and was outnumbered. These bullies I did not recognised. I thought myself brave as before, yet when I went to raise my defences once more… I got scared. I was afraid in that moment, and so… I did nothing. I let them bully and torment that boy, and ultimately so did everyone else. And he went home, having a bad day, because absolutely no one stood up for him. And so by that moment… I am a coward.

So what am I? Am I brave, or a coward? Is the answer to that simply determined by counting how many times I was brave versus how many times I was a coward? Well… Then it comes more difficult. Because one might suggest that, actually fighting is in itself a cowardly act. That rising above violence is in fact the much braver act. That talking things over, and resilience are far better attributes that flaring brute power. In fact, any number of people could argue these things, and could change there points of view at different points in time. And so when they do… Do the bravery vs cowardly numbers flip? And who gets the final verdict? 

The answer, ultimately, is… you. You get to decide. You will manipulate any memories in a way such as they benefit your motives and agenda’s, given on your perceived state and morality. If you think lowly of yourself, you will manipulate memories into believing you acted as lowly as you are, and if you think highly of yourself you will paint over memories to convey yourself as a God.

The point being, that the now you’re thinking about in the past, ISN’T the now. It’s whatever you think the now is, or whatever you want to think it was. That memory of a now, is actually a new experience you’ve created, and dressed up as that now. And so, it doesn’t matter what any given moment WAS. In a way it matters what it IS. To you, now.

So it shows that once the moment is gone, unfortunately no matter how hard you try… it cannot come back. It is then within your best interest, not to begin analysing it so deeply, for all you will do, is cut it’s time short. Be happy when you are, and be sad when you feel like it. You can control your emotions, in a sense, because you can determine your reactions to the world – but if you’re already in an experience, just be in it. Accept it. Experience it. 

Do not stress. Do not stress that you are not good enough, or wonder if you ever will be. Do not worry and think of the future, and the chaotic nature of it. The what ifs and the hows. Do not compare yourself to another, whether that is another version of you or another person altogether. In fact, don’t even compare, period. It is the enemy of joy. Remember that your perception of the world and yourself can change on a flip of a coin. And it is entirely up to you when you flip the coin, and even the outcome of it. For you can call the coin at any time, and determine whether you want heads or tails to prevail. 

There is no contractual obligation by which you are held, to be the same person you were five minutes ago. You do not have to be something because of what you are now, or because of what you were.

I wish everyone reading this, the most wonderful festive season, and the happiest new year when it comes. It’s a time when for whatever reason we chose to change ourselves, and so by definition must judge and define ourselves. So if you chose to do that, remember:

You are who you chose to be. And ultimately, you need only answer, to the person behind the mirror.

ANGER

Anger. It’s very difficult to control this emotion. If any readers ever succeed in controlling it in its entirety, tell me how.

You can’t stand a person. You can’t stand an ideal or a thought. It’s so inherently wrong or immoral to you and yet it keeps happening, and the persons or persons responsible for it aren’t backing down, they aren’t apologising – in fact they’re aggravating you. Maybe they’re getting away with it, and you find that unfair. They’re pushing your buttons, intentionally, and you’re exponentially becoming more frustrated because you can’t solve it. You’re losing. Maybe someone whom you care for deeply or have an intense respect for is intentionally letting you down, disappointing you, or hurting you, and despite the fact you normally love or care for them – right now you cannot think of any of it, for the intense red mist that has descended upon you.

It’s a very primal emotion; anger. It’s not very complex, it just is. A lot like love, or fear. You are angry, because you are.

But as a relatively rational human being, you will most likely try to control it, in some way or another. Ineffectively count to ten – or perhaps you leave the room to focus your mind elsewhere.

Then, most likely, still as the rational human being you are, you will probably feel one more emotion blind-sight you out of nowhere, and attempt to steal your anger’s limelight. You’ll feel guilt. Guilty that you were unable to control yourself, and that your emotions instead controlled you. But the truth is you have little more to do with your emotions, than you do with your need to breathe in air.

Of course, it is important you learn how to handle, and express anger – but it is not important that you feel it. You should not feel guilty about feeling it, perhaps only about what you then do with it. If you are angry and you punch a wall – this is a relatively stupid thing to do, because you’re only giving yourself or another person a separate problem to solve. You’re not fixing yours.

However, if you are angry, and you sit and be angry; reflect perhaps – this is not so terrible. It’s not so terrible, because you’re going to feel it – so you may as well be constructive about it. You may as well come to terms with the fact, that as our thoughts and actions are the only thing in this life, that we can control – we now have a responsibility to think our thoughts through, and determine an appropriate action or outlet for them.

Most importantly; understand that you cannot move on, you cannot become better and feel better until you actively let the anger go. Any pain or hurt you’ve been caused, any build up rage that someone has instilled upon you, will not dissipate until you have given it permission to do so. One cannot negotiate effectively, in anger.

Do not allow serious discussions to occur, until you are no longer emotionally compromised. And while it’s annoying, and irritating, having to wait – because you may not have been ready to wait… you must. You must wait it out, until you can either forgive the person, until you can forget about the issue, or if you feel this person may anger you consistently and legitimately to an extreme degree so often that they no longer matter in the same way to you as they once did, leave them. Remove toxicity from your life.

But what you must not do – is decide any of these things, while you are not rational. And if you are emotionally compromised – you are not thinking rationally.

Take your time. Be angry. Forgive yourself. Direct the flow of it productively. And most importantly, do not feel guilty for the sake of feeling guilty. But understand, for you to grow, and for the situation to resolve itself in any way, you must let go of it, for now it only hurts you.

“Holding onto anger is like drinking a poison, and expecting the other person to die.”

Everything is temporary. So let anger pass, and do not let it consume you any longer than it has. Control the outlet of your emotions, so that they do not control you.

Uncertainty

Uncertainty, it’s a wonderful thing.

It ensures that you live out a fascinating and astonishing life, rather than a mundane one. With every day different, you can be sure you should continue on going because there is so much to see and do.

And yet, it’s so commonly associated with anxiety because anxiety requires it for its very definition. But the two are not interchangeable. Just because you are uncertain of something, does not mean you must be anxious of it.

Uncertainty, refers only to the unknown state or outcome, of future events. Anxiety, refers to the negative feelings most commonly associated with uncertainty. So what happens then, if we remove anxiety, and instead explore uncertainty?

Humans innately strive for the illusion of control; the ability to steer your car down a particular fork in the road, to lead you to pastures new. The problem being that while in theory this seems pleasant, and very deterministic; life is much more chaotic – and while you can choose which road you travel, the problem is your field of vision is foggy at best. So while you may choose the nicer, more well maintained road – you could find that as soon as your on it, there are more obstacles in your way; roadworks or the cars of others that slow you down and bring you to a halt. Perhaps the cars that drove down the nice path did so, because they liked the seaside view next to it. But maybe you don’t like the sea.

So while it’s nice to think you’re in control and making the right decisions, in reality you’re about as likely to predict the correct outcome as the flip of a coin. So why worry about the uncertainty of it all? It’s tension. All of your choices, every single one you have ever made, has been half chance – and so have everyone else’s.

Let’s suppose your loved one is away on travel, and you’re irrationally afraid for their safety. Let’s suppose they are already gone, and so you do not have the option of convincing them not to go or packing a bulletproof vest in their suitcase. Now, whether or not their destination is a safe haven or a war-zone, it does not behoove you or anyone to worry or remain anxious for any length of time. You do not have control over this situation. You are uncertain of the outcome, but that does not mean you have to fear it. The outcome will remain the same, regardless of your fear of it. So why worry?

Apply this to the toxicity of self doubt, in any given situation. How many hours could you justly say that you have wasted thinking about events… which never happened? But you thought they might. And so it felt very real. To you. As real as if it had happened, because just like when a real thing happens and it takes its toll, so too will you be tolled as long as you treat fictitious events as though they are true.

So remove this anxiety from your life. Remain in the moment – and if anything, embrace the fleeting nature of it. Embrace that as you try to hold onto the moment, already it has passed. So do not hold on to it – rather, live it. The universe does not have to adhere to your laws of expectation. Nor does it work on the same reference of time. It can change what it’s doing in an instant, just as you can.

Accept uncertainty. It is merely a synonym, for freedom, when it is not necessarily you who is in control.

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Another article you may find helpful regarding this topic of abandoning the illusion of control, and not fearing it, can be found here:

Shorts: The Apple Tree

Shorts: The Apple Tree

When the seed in your hand has come from an apple; it does not matter how much you wish for it to be an orange tree. Regardless of whether you pray, and request for it to change; when you plant it, and bide your time until it grows, it will always be an apple tree, and bare more apples to enjoy. It does not care for your desires, nor does it care how much you desperately would like to try something new. It is an apple tree. And it will be an apple tree. There is nothing you can do to influence that outcome.

Do not spend your time in vain, wishing, with thought and prayer, or with some kind heuristic botany. Instead, find your new solution. Allow that apple tree, to be the little apple tree it needs to be, as you pursue what it is you need. Do not spend a moment of thought, on sadness over what is essentially a desire for control, where this control is an illusion.

There is so much in life, that we fuss over because of a perceived control over it. And as humans, when we lose control of something it gives us great distress. It gives us anxiety, because we feel as though we no longer can predict or even understand the outcome of any given situation, which in turn gives us anxiety. A tension, which is a desire for more stable conditions.

But the truth is, that whether we like it or not, we have less control over larger things than we would like. We can love someone with all of our hearts, and give everything that we are to them; but that does not mean they will be kind in return, offer us any time, or reciprocate that love with us. We can train a lifetime for a given task, and manipulate our paths in the best way possible to achieve the goal when the time is right; but that does not mean there is not a chance we could be run over by a bus tomorrow. Equally there are those who will be greedy, do iniquitous and horrific things; and never be caught for it, and die thinking they got away with it.

Once you submit that control over anything but your thoughts and your actions is an illusion, the rest of the pieces of your life seem to fall into place. And you find that rather than fighting every wave in the sea, to get where you need to be; you simply adjust the sails.