IT’S YOUR OWN FAULT

That feeling you get when you’ve let yourself down. It’s something else, isn’t it? The core fact that it’s solely you who is responsible for what you’ve done, and though you hope to turn to someone and deflect that feeling onto them, most likely those you love the most, you know that as a reasonable human being, you cannot. There is nowhere to turn,  but inwards. It’s your fault, and you’re disappointed.

It isn’t easy – because the more you feel the person responsible needs to be “punished”, to feel remorseful and to atone, the more you inflict that damage upon yourself. And that explosion of emotion inwards, is crushing. It should be noted you should never do this to any human being or anything living for that matter of fact, under any circumstances. So why do you do it to yourself? Your asking them to feel bad, and that person is you, and you feel worse, but you ask for more punishment – That’s sadism. Or masochism.

We’ve all been disappointed by our actions, and known someone who is disappointed in their actions, and when you have let someone down, all you want is retraction, for it to go away. You want forgiveness.

Give. Forgiveness.

If you do not, you are only inflicting more hurt upon a person. Unnecessary hurt – because they are already disappointed in themselves. They already understand the effect of their actions and are apologetic for them, so what are you trying to achieve? It’s one of the most unfair acts that you can take upon another living being, and we’ve all felt it when someone does not offer us forgiveness, and it’s horrible. You’re asking for people you care for, or people you respect, to accept you once more as not being perfect, and if they do not accept that, you feel small. Smaller than small. You feel insignificant. Deflated. Incapacitated.

If you were to pick yourself up, what would it matter since you’re so small.

That is not a feeling anyone should feel. To inflict this upon someone – that is a lack of kindness. Kindness is the greatest thing you can ever give, and you can give it in limitless quantities. Perhaps the only thing you can truly give in unlimited quantities. If you refuse to share, it is a selfishness like nothing else, for by sharing it you do not lose it.

Be kind. To others and to yourself. What you need to understand is that everyone too is not perfect, and so if anything, when you make a mistake you are most like those around you. You should be most accepted for the fact that you are flawed, for it is a trait of life. You may feel separated, but you are united with the rest of the human race. While others may feel shame for their mistakes, they may be unaccepting of it, or at least unaccepting to admit it, and so project that upon you as they see themselves as in higher standing, or wish to appear so. When really they are not. They are looking thought carnival mirrors. Do not concern yourself with these people. Do not be one of these people. They are toxic.

But what is most important to remember, is that the only person who can truly offer you forgiveness for your own actions – is you. While what you may have done is let yourself down, it’s important to know that the only action that is truly letting you down, is your punishment upon yourself and the sheer lack of forgiveness you have given upon yourself. You are human, you are particularly prone to mistake, because of your own awareness of it. If you are aiming for perfection, for a concept or of yourself – let that go. You’re comparing to a perfect idea, yet no thing perfect exists in nature. The very laws of physics and biology falter at times, they act erratically. So too will you. But since you are capable of imagining the perfect thought, you can aim to achieve it, but you never will. You are comparing your achievements to a reality that does not exist, and as always, comparison is the enemy of joy, and so you will cease to be joyful, despite your best efforts.

Disappointment in oneself comes with life, as do mistakes. But they are not something to be feared, to be consistent, or to be reverent. They are to be accepted, to be processed, and to be left behind, where they offered us improvement.

While it is fine to be disappointed with oneself, understand that the very fact that you are reflects kindly upon you, for you wish to be better. There are those who do bad, and are thankful for their iniquity to the world. You are actively sorrowful for your act, which by itself places you among the rest of the good in the world.

We all make error. We are all incapable of perfection.

And once you have realised that about yourself – Give. Forgiveness.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

“You know what I meant.”

No, I think I know what you meant. It is very rare that you will converse with a person and they will understand exactly what you trying to convey to them. More than likely, they will get a rough estimation of what you’re saying, and even get very close to understanding to what you said verbatim – but if they pass on this information, it will be tarnished with the brush of their own perspective and their own understanding. Like a grand game of Chinese Whispers, it will be lost. Unfortunately, as your words are bound and punished by the words you did not say, someone can always infer, and apply a different meaning to that which you said. At least in it’s true sense of what was meant when you said it.

It is why you must think carefully about the words you choose to describe what you’re trying to explain, for it reduces the chances that it will be so blatantly different at varying degrees of the future. You should never have to say the words, “You know what I meant” for most likely that person took interest, and was looking for clarification.

That clarification and classification of an idea is perhaps the single most important explanation you will ever give, because an idea is the only thing in our lives that transcends time. Words do not transcend time, but an idea does.  It’s why it’s so important not to become so recluse. You must express everything that you have, everything that is core and important to you, because once an idea is seeded, it dies only with the last person who heard of it. It is equally why the great never die, because as long as someone remembers them, they are gone only in body, not in mind or effect.

An idea can be dangerous, all of the most extremist people you know of are founded on the basis of someone’s idea, someone who chose to vocalise their opinion despite being in the minority at the time. They could infer from text, either because it was written poorly or mistranslated  or they applied their own meaning to it. Whenever we feel we cannot express an idea, we must remember this – the iniquitous of the world do not get a night off, so neither do we. But rather than extremism, we must explore creativity, knowledge, expression, kindness, what it means to be one with nature. These things will bring us happiness, and can bring others happiness, not by force, but by education.

As people misinterpret the text, and yet feel so innately attuned to it, they will commit to that which no one ever wanted until they had perceived it to be as such. You could wager that no belief or religion ever founded was intended to create hurt, but instead create or define purpose – however a misinterpretation in the meaning of the text, and translations over the years, resulted in many people being hurt and killed in the name of atonement. In the name of the idea spoken or written, but not intended.

As you choose to express yourself to the world and to others, you must find out that which you mean to say, and then choose the words deliberately in such a way that you see it. An idea is a thought, and to translate it to a language is more difficult that you can imagine.

This is where we require the poets, the writers and the philosophers. The job of these people is to find the detail, the beauty in the things which go unnoticed. That which goes unsaid. Think – we walk everyday of our lives. Yet it is those who think of these things, that notice we are falling and catching ourselves every time that we do. There is beauty in this when we discuss how we can ever pick ourselves up again after a fall. We already do it everyday. While this is a rather outlandish example, the principle remains the same. There is beauty in the idea, in reality, and the correct words to which you express it.

There are millions of words and syntaxes from which we can choose, and to misuse our languages, to say “very good” – is pure Newspeak. We should not add a plus to the beginning of a word, or the minus to it, or at least we should try our hardest not to, for there are so many other beautiful words which will describe it more eloquently and succinctly – You see a man sitting in a room by himself with a TV on in the centre, he’s smiling. Is he happy? Or is he content? Because there is a distinction. And while to be content means to be free, it is important to note that one can be content but not necessarily happy. Equally, you may tell someone that you are sad, but are you melancholy, or have you been devastated by a loss? The distinction will prove more beneficial to you in the long run, this you can be assured.

The distinction of words and ideas are essential to the growth of our cultures, and ourselves as human beings. It is our responsibility as a species. To write, to imagine, to inspire, and to wonder, would be a most beautiful life.

“There is nothing outside of the text.”

Do you know what I mean?

WHAT IF MONEY WERE NO OBJECT?

If you haven’t watched or listened to Alan Watts, I would recommend that you do.
A thought that spawned this article.

What is it that you spend all night dreaming about?  If money were no object – what would you like to do with your life?

I know people, in their early twenties, who have no idea what they want to do with their lives and assume that this means they will one day be a failure. They spend hours a night worrying about this. I know people, in their forties, who have not yet discovered what they want to do with their lives, and assume they ARE a failure. They too lose sleep.

At any age they want the big house, the gorgeous spouse, the sports cars, the money falling out of their pockets never to be picked up from the ground – they want these things assuming that this quantifies success in their life.

But there is a rude awakening for those who do not tear themselves from this kind of thinking. I would rather be a “failure” at twenty, thirty, forty, fifty, sixty and beyond, than be in a job that I don’t like, lying next to a woman I do not love, in a house that is not a home, with friends whom I do not adore.

Because at that point you are revering a kind of thought that should be cast from your mind never to be heard from again. You are reverent, of purposelessness. That idea that while your running forward as fast as you can, your staying still. You’re running on a treadmill and nothing more. You can show someone the numbers, how long and how far you’ve run and they might humour you and move on – but you can’t turn around and show them how far you’ve come.

You can point to your shrinking belly, and tell them you’ve lost an inch on your waistline, but what for? What is the point, if it doesn’t make you happy?

Let’s suppose you enjoy painting, and will lose yourself to that most wonderful state of flow, where you forget that you are hungry, or that you are tired, because these things have ceased to matter to you. They are irrelevant, because you are happy doing that you are doing. You do not need to check your waistline any more. And let’s continue this thought by saying that, you enjoy painting, yet you have found yourself working in a telemarketing company where you cold call all day and night, to the point you are exhausted, so you go home to sleep, to wake up the next day and repeat the process.

You’ve forgot your easel when you walk through the door to the bedroom.

If you change the job title from telemarketer, to investee, to banker, to CEO – what does it matter if you’re paintbrush is never touched? Your paintbrush is purposeless.

You’re often told to put down the paintbrush by someone who points our your flaws, the things you do not have, or the ways in which they deem themselves to be better or more successful than you. But you should never concern yourself with these people. For people who are not happy for you, are most likely not happy for themselves. These people are living these lives, living and working with things and people they do not love, and will continue to do so until they die. These are not the people you want to associate with, or imitate – so it is okay that they disagree with you. In fact it is encouraging.

When you meet someone who tells you your dreams are stupid or a waste of your time, tell them it is better to have a dream than to have stopped dreaming.

If money is your barometer for success, you will always be unsuccessful, for someone will have more money than you. And you will compare to that person, and comparison is the enemy of joy. And so you will cease to be joyful.

To live your life will be a wonderful adventure, you must only commit to it that which comes natural to you. And if you do what you love, although you will face adversity and a harshness you have not yet known – the money will come. You will survive. You will continue to exist in a way that you love, rather than by a measure that you do not.

It’s isn’t difficult, existing. It isn’t rocket science.

Unless that which you are purposeful about, is rocket science.


P.s. The most interesting people I know, didn’t know in their forties what they wanted to do with their lives.


Advice on how to get into that job you love, here:
HOW TO GET A JOB IN THREE EASY STEPS

HOW TO GET A JOB IN THREE EASY STEPS

Step 1 – Hone your craft.

You don’t have to be the best at it, you just have to hone it, to know that you can do it with a relative degree of certainty. You’re certainly going to be able to improve at it over time, you just don’t want to break down with pressure on the day. Try to learn something unique or do something using a method no one else does or is hard to do.

Remember that the harder something is to do, the less people have done it also, and so it puts you in greater standing.

Step 2 – “It’s not what you know, it’s who you know”

You’ve heard this used in derision, maybe the last time a job interview didn’t go so well. You heard some other candidate got the job, they were friends with interviewers late cousins friend. You come home to let people know of your disappointing day, and someone will definitely say it.

It’s not that you think you’re magnanimous, but you’re better than that guy, right? You’ll tell yourself you were way more suited for the job – but of course you weren’t.

For a long time, I thought the phrase was only to be used for consolation, but it isn’t true. It’s to be used in celebration.

What this phrase actually means, is stand out. Do something that gets you noticed. If you’re not passionate about something, you shouldn’t be doing it as your career. And so many people aren’t passionate about it so they go in blind and to a degree stand no better than mere chance at succeeding in the interview.

However, let’s say you’re passionate about cars (of which I know virtually nothing about, so great choice of example) and you want to land a job where you work with or on cars all day. Well you find there’s an opening at a car dealership, or a mechanics, and you go for the interview, it doesn’t go well for you so you sulk home and the same phrase you’ve heard a million times is uttered once more. You’ll continue with unemployment or that menial job you hate for now. NO!

If you’re passionate about cars, it’s really what you want to do? Go to a convention. A meet-up. Anything. Find out where other people are meeting with the same passions as you! How could this go wrong in any way? Take a convention for example, it would have the biggest names in cars – and sure you can try your luck there if you’re bold or have the experience  – but importantly the small guys will be there. The guys who’ve paid x amount for a booth and they only return they’re looking for is interaction. Interaction with you! To know they’re time and money isn’t being wasted.

Go up and talk to someone, anyone! Rather than awkwardly making accidental eye contact and then shying away, just look right at them, nod and go forward. They’re looking for someone to talk to, and you’re someone.

Be honest. Tell them what you want, why you’re there. Most folk with the saavy to have a business or a booth somewhere can smell bull s#%t sales patter, so come at them as a human instead. The way I see it, the interaction can only go one of so many ways:

1 – They tell you that they like you, have a job opening, and offer you an interview right on the spot! (But it isn’t a regular interview, because they already know they like you)

2 – They seem interested, and give you a business card or you give them one.
(Don’t lock it away in the drawer, show you actually bothered to remember them, email them once you’re home to thank them for their time, then contact them again when you’re going in for the kill. Or they might contact you!)

3 – They say they aren’t looking for anyone right now, but they know a friend!
(Now you’re that guy who knows a who, rather than what a what!)

4 – They say they aren’t looking for anyone, they’re new to this and don’t know anyone.
(Quite unlikely at a convention, but either way, you know them now. They’re looking to improve the same way that you are, they’ll throw help your way and you’ll reciprocate! People remember gestures like that, so if they do come into a position that’s valuable to you, they’ll come to you as one of the firsts)

Not a single one of these scenarios are hurting your chances!

And you’ll feel less alone. It’s scary to know you know how to do something and want to do it, but you’re on the outer circle. People doing a worse job are getting the position first. So embrace it, be the guy someone knows.

Because the fact of the matter is, if they knew the person at the interview, a bond goes a longer way than you think, so that other person was right for the job at the time, just as you are right for it now.

And when you finally make it to the top. Return the favour. Don’t think you’ll be the person who goes for the what’s of the world, scouring the globe for unseen talent, return the favour and be kind to the ambitious, they’re the ones who want to go far, and they’ll return the faith you put into them. Loyalty goes a long way in a career.

Step 3 – Volunteer. It’s like conventions times a million.